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neymarssgf:

The thing is w/ being a football fan is that your fave is probably married and got kids and your sitting here reading this

146 Comments | 5 days ago

  • harry potter: you're the weak one. you'll never know love, or friendship. and i feel sorry for you.
  • voldemort: i came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now
74322 Comments | 5 days ago


hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.  Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

hipster-trichster:

2makeyewsmile:

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

440113 Comments | 6 days ago

182747 Comments | 6 days ago


stunningpicture:

I like the way you think, Coke.

stunningpicture:

I like the way you think, Coke.

127138 Comments | 6 days ago

268155 Comments | 6 days ago


pvriah:

natsangell4evr:


me digging your grave

My first time on Tumblr, and this was the first gif. As soon as I saw it I knew I was already in to deep.

Jack skellington…? Is that you?

pvriah:

natsangell4evr:

me digging your grave

My first time on Tumblr, and this was the first gif. As soon as I saw it I knew I was already in to deep.

Jack skellington…? Is that you?

816471 Comments | 6 days ago


gay-men:

Guy holding Martini while walking his cat.

gay-men:

Guy holding Martini while walking his cat.

134110 Comments | 6 days ago

148632 Comments | 6 days ago


one-day-i-will-fall-asleep:

death-by-fangirling:

bronzedragon:

tomfelton-andthe-cumber-cocks:

strawberriesandjane:

funsizedfox:

“they won’t let me eat,wont let me sleep..”
“who?”
“…..them.”

Oh.

I AM CRYING

I remember reading about how EA was trying to sell the rights to make The Sims into a movie and everyone was like “…how?”
Now I get it
It’s a horror movie
People wake up one day to find themselves transformed into puppets of an invisible malicious trickster god
First the bizarre happenings start:
someone becomes obsessed with stealing lawn gnomes
another person has a compulsion to stick their head into a strange device and emerges obsessed by grilled cheese sandwiches
people pee themselves despite being next to a bathroom because some mysterious unseen force makes them study cleaning
people find themselves stuck in rooms because they can’t step over common household objects
a young man doing some nighttime stargazing mysteriously vanishes
then their god turns sadistic
pool ladders mysteriously vanish, leading to several drownings
doors vanish just as a house fire begins
an elevator plummets several stories as a couple starts to get it on
a Murphy Bed gruesomely folds up, crushing the people inside
and that man who vanished while stargazing returns…but with something growing inside of him…and vague memories of a grotesque creature named Pollination Technician
the horror has begun



I would pay a lot to watch that movie

one-day-i-will-fall-asleep:

death-by-fangirling:

bronzedragon:

tomfelton-andthe-cumber-cocks:

strawberriesandjane:

funsizedfox:

“they won’t let me eat,wont let me sleep..”

“who?”

“…..them.”

Oh.

I AM CRYING

I remember reading about how EA was trying to sell the rights to make The Sims into a movie and everyone was like “…how?”

Now I get it

It’s a horror movie

People wake up one day to find themselves transformed into puppets of an invisible malicious trickster god

First the bizarre happenings start:

someone becomes obsessed with stealing lawn gnomes

another person has a compulsion to stick their head into a strange device and emerges obsessed by grilled cheese sandwiches

people pee themselves despite being next to a bathroom because some mysterious unseen force makes them study cleaning

people find themselves stuck in rooms because they can’t step over common household objects

a young man doing some nighttime stargazing mysteriously vanishes

then their god turns sadistic

pool ladders mysteriously vanish, leading to several drownings

doors vanish just as a house fire begins

an elevator plummets several stories as a couple starts to get it on

a Murphy Bed gruesomely folds up, crushing the people inside

and that man who vanished while stargazing returns…but with something growing inside of him…and vague memories of a grotesque creature named Pollination Technician

the horror has begun

image

I would pay a lot to watch that movie

298147 Comments | 6 days ago

  • Me: I'll sleep early tonight and get a good 8 hours
  • Me: *watches entire season of tv show*
  • Me: *reads every book i own*
  • Me: *goes on quest to find the holy grail*
381425 Comments | 6 days ago


simsgonewrong:

Unlikely friends.

simsgonewrong:

Unlikely friends.

768 Comments | 6 days ago

Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever.

27534 Comments | 1 week ago



88792 Comments | 1 week ago

goldenfleeces:

can someone just delete weheartit

286180 Comments | 1 week ago




the blogger
:)